i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he shaved USA in his pubs
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
