Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
