I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
