i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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