That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
