At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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