I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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