Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think your dad took our porno
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
