WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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