I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
