I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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