just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i will never coherently bang her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
