wakey wakey hands off snakey
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
