I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
