Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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