jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
