does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
