How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
