Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
