Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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