I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
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They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize