I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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