I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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