Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
