Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
