Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
