you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
