Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
