Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
