is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
