Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize