Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
