I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
