If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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