The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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