i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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