That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
