i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
