dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
