So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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