weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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