9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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