As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
