if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
