Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
zippers are such a cool invention
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
