She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
