Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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