Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
