am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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