I could make wine with my vomit
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
