She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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