Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
