She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
