Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was confusing and full of hummus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
