Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
