hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
