i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
