I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there