So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The air was thick with penises
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
