Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
