I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops