I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"