You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again