you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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