Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
