I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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