Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
