batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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