are you still at the devil's house?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
