Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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