he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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