end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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