12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
