I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
